“Hello, Wes! This is God!” Somehow I live in the tension of wanting to hear from God and dreading hearing from God. I know that sounds pretty conflicted, but I’d be less than honest if I said anything else about my desire to hear Him. There is this inner battle that goes on all the time. It’s like hearing from the IRS. It might be a refund but it might be an audit!
I not afraid of God because I’ve learned that He loves me, and He really only wants what is best for me. But I’ve also learned that He doesn’t always want what I want. Or at the very least He doesn’t want to do it my way! I think He likes being God – but so do I! So I’m always having to learn to put down my own flesh and TRUST Him. That’s the “dreadful” part of hearing from God.
I know, you probably think I should be way past this by now. After all, I’m a “man of God” and certainly I have learned this primary lesson in Christianity called “dying to self.” So maybe I’m disappointing you a bit. Maybe you thought I was better than I am but I’m here to tell you it just ain’t so! I’m an average guy with an anointing. The truth is, I have learned this lesson of dying to self. And I’ve learned it over and over and over again. It’s not that I’m such a slow or poor learner. Rather, it’s that I have so much “flesh” that has to be put to death.
Think about it. When I first got saved, the Lord asked me to put drinking alcohol out of my life. That wasn’t easy, but I loved God and I decided this was one of the “death to self” things so I quit drinking alcohol. Then he asked me to stop using untoward language. Again I did it. And so it began: the death of me and the life of Him. It wasn’t always an easy decision but it has been an ongoing one. Several years ago He asked me to give up the ministry He had called me to – that of being a pastor. He said His call on my life was not that of a pastor but rather that of an Apostle. So I began to try to comply. Now you have to remember my whole identity was wrapped up in pastoral ministry. My income was derived from pastoral ministry. My comfort zone was pastoral ministry. I liked preaching! I liked having a nice office! Nonetheless, I reluctantly began to work toward making this change.
One of the first things I did was to confide in my District Supervisor. I told him what I had heard God saying and I pointed to the evidence that had been produced in my life and ministry over the years. He didn’t argue with me at all. But he said, ” Wes, we pay pastors, we don’t pay apostles.” I was really disappointed. Even though my Supervisor had agreed with me, he couldn’t help me. I wasn’t asking for a promotion, just some help to understand where I really fit in the organization.
Over the years I worked hard at making the paradigm shift that was required. I read about apostles and the apostolic movement going on in America. I examined my heart and my fruit. I spent hours and hours in prayer. I asked God to clarify it all for me. Finally it became apparent that I couldn’t “become” an apostle. I was one because that is what God had called me to be. I quit resisting and surrendered to the Lord. I announced it to my church, which readily agreed and encouraged me to be what I was called to be. At this point, I thought to myself, I have finally died to myself in this area. I was no longer a pastor, I was an apostle! This part of the “death to self” is over. Celebrate? HA! Not even close! I had just reached the place of agreeing with God about my calling. Now He was setting in place a process that would be one of the most prolonged and emotionally painful experiences of my life. And I was about to find out I wasn’t as dead as I thought!
Don’t worry. It’s all good! But the rest of the story is for the next blog. See you on Friday.
Hearing God’s voice… I think what scares people the most is the expectation of God’s disappointment or disproval with us. Religion has altered our mindsets to believe we are unworthy sinners saved by grace. Truth says, we are His IMAGE… Period. Our subconscious religious mind frets and fusses at the thougt of hearing God directly. Our imagination is certain God has negative things to say. Truth says, every word from God’s mouth is life, even if it’s in correction. God desires to reveal Himself to His image. We must purpose in our heart to accept His words without regard to our own imaginations. God’s only requirement for relationship is honesty with yourself. That’s where dying is like the rubber meeting the road. God wants us to be transparent with ourselves, relying on HIS finished work of redemption not our religious understanding. If we imagine God based on our religious ideals, we will misinterpret His voice when He speaks. Be transparent, relying on His grace and you will always hear His voice.